Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ok ppl. I'm gonna tell you why I'm sad (due to Ham's encouragement to write whatever sad stuffs I have into the blog). However, once you've read, please don't tell my family that you know this information from me. I don't want them to know that I'm going round to spread all these stuffs. Just... just saying that I don't want misunderstandings yea. Thanks alot.Last Friday morning I got to know this sudden news. My paternal grandmother passed away the night before. She was the only grandparent I had left since I was a month old. She was so dear to me, but I didn't cry much upon knowing her death. Maybe it's because she had always been living in Indonesia, and my family only visit her once in a while, and the feeling's not so strong as time went by. Still, I really think I'm heartless. Usually when someone passes away, he/she will tuo meng to his/her loved ones. But then she hasn't come into any of our dreams yet. I guess she doesn't want us to worry. Worry as in burden added to my dad who already has cancer. My dad has Colon Cancer since last September and has done 2 major operations already, to cut away most of his Large Intestine. After the first surgery, he only did oral chemotherapy (consuming of cancer fighting tablets), but they weren't as strong as the one injected into the body itself.After a recent colonscopy, whereby the doctor checks for any weird parts in the colon, and there he found a small lump. He extracted 3 tissues from it for examination. Because of that, dad fainted a few days later because of excessive bleeding. On top of that, he's got low blood count, which increased the risk.2 months later, during the 2nd operation, they found out that the lump had grown to a very huge one and any attempt to remove it would endanger his life, so the surgeon did a bypass, and the dangerous lump is still inside his body. So now... undergoing the "real" chemo.Should I say it's heng or it's too timely? As in... I've finished by O levels (we all have) and happen to have a long holiday (since I've got lousy prelim results and I can't go anywhere), my dad has this deadly sickness which needs the family's time to take care of him (and I happen to have the time). Is it that I should be thankful that I've got the time to take care of more stuffs or I should keep thinking if it's my fault that when I'm filled with activities, my dad takes care of me and now when I've got the time, it's time to return the favour and let him rest? If it takes a deadly sickness to appreciate someone's care, then I'd rather not have a deadly sickness and go the other way round.Another coincidence... Why does my grandmother have to pass away at this time? Is it because it's mum's instinct that the son is in a dangerous position? If you don't get what I'm saying, then read on. It's a "rule" that if there is someone in the family who has passed on, the family is not allowed to celebrate any joyous occasion. My dad who's undergoing chemotherapy will need lots of rest, and guess what, Chinese New Year is around the corner. A joyous occasion whereby families will need to visit each other, as for my family, from the youngest to the oldest, and it's every year that my family goes first, since my mum is the youngest in her family. Because of chemotherapy, obviously my dad will be really weak, and he's the type who will want to force himself to make others happy. Too responsible, dad, really. Because my grandma has passed on, this gives us more reasons to not celebrate, and this will also make my dad rest with a lighter heart. I'm not saying that this departure is also timely (aka just in time = positive), but I think it's too strange (why at this time = negative), and I don't want anyone to die. T-TJust trying to say, I just wish for the best in whatever it will turn out to be. And this is how sad and weird I feel. TY Ham for encouraging me to pour out my thoughts and sadness.PS: Please take care of yourself. Avoid oily food and foods that are too sweet or salty. Eat more fruits and vegetables. Have a healthy lifestyle that things you do don't collide with one another. You know I saw a smoker walking towards the basketball court with a basketball in his hands? It's like he's called a smoking basketballer or basketballing smoker (2nd one's obviously wrong). How contradicting is that. One way is he's trying to be healthy but the other says he's not. Whatever. Just... try.
{I wrote my precious moments at 12:36 AM}
Oneness and Trinity
